AWS Deep Machine Learning Porn Project

So I attended re:Invent lectures at the AWS loft in Manhattan to learn about all the new and emerging technologies Amazon has to offer for 2019. I learned about S3 buckets (old, but new to me), Quantum Ledger Databases (blockchain), and Artificial Intelligence through Machine Learning.

Proof of Concept: Utilize deep machine learning to transcribe a porn on S3 to text.

I used all of the knowledge and tools from the AWS conference in NYC to compile what I thought would be the most useful task a machine could do. And in the end, all of this data, will essentially make the machine much more honay =)

Initial Issues:

I first started with converting Back to the Future to text. Yes it was cool. Yes BTTF is the best film of all time, but it cost me $1.43 because the file was 800MB. If I was going to continue with this method, I needed to find a way to reduce costs because AWS loves to charge you money…

Also, I had no idea where to download porn, and I had no idea which porns had the best material for this project. I wanted something with great dialogue and hardcore scenes so the transcripts would be hilarious. With a little bit of luck and some page called, I was good to start my search.


To ease down on the pricing tier that AWS instills, I decided to convert the 1-2GB porn files to straight audio using everyone’s favorite tool ffmpeg.

./ffmpeg -i blackmail-housewives.mp4 blackmail-housewives.mp3

Would take a 1.54GB file and convert it to ~100MB. However, AWS started to deny these large files (which makes no sense because BTTF at 800MB transcribed no problem: Amazon, check your server), so I had to trim them to half the audio that I had saved. After compression and trimming, these videos, well now audios, worked perfectly. Follow the quick procedure to convert porn to text with ease! This AWS machine is going to be so horny lmao.


  1. Find your favorite porn.
  2. Download this spicy video.
  3. Download ffmpeg at
  4. Open a terminal and type
    • “./ffmpeg -i pornfile.extension(mp4/mkv/mov) pornfile.mp3”
  5. If porn mp3 is over 100MB, we will need to trim it.
  6. Open the file in QuickTime and hit CTRL T to trim.
  7. Trim so that the file is about 50-60MB. Do math!
  8. Now the file will be a .mov so you will need to run ffmpeg once again with the same terminal command:
    • “./ffmpeg -i porn-half.mp3”
  9. Finally, we can upload it to our S3 bucket on AWS.
  10. We are ready to transcribe. Search for transcribe in the AWS tool section.
  11. Paste the link to the S3 upload file.
  12. Add Speaker Identification if you want to. I have found it is pretty hilarious and have done it for all of the files I will be listing. I set the max as 10, but if you can find the cast members from then you can help make the machine learning algorithm a bit more precise.
  13. Click Create and let the process run. If it is around 50-60MB, it should not take too long. 30-60 mins max.
  14. Click the job once once is finished and you can view the results. I advise saving the transcript to a JSON file for further analysis.

Photos: The best part =)


And just a few excerpts before the actual json files:

Girl Scout Nookies

House of Selma Keys. Really? And you, sir. Phil, you’re offering me. That for the five boxes are. Have to violate thirty boxes, but Yeah. Cool. That’s a hell of an offer there. What did you say your name was? The name’s Rory. Like Ferrari. You gonna fry between your legs? It looks like I mean, I couldn’t help but notice that you had quite an outstanding Oh, my God. I agree. Peter. Well, so what do you think, Christian? Go upstairs. Okay. You got a couple hours before my wife comes. Let’s go. You know, after I refuse Well, Miss Rory, You’re very sexy. Fuck. So, like what I see so far? You taste better than those cookies your song. To turn around again and drop that skirt. Jim. No. James. Come on. Yeah. Yeah, up in your cheeks. Close. Can you open your cheeks? Take your hands. What test like this? already way. Would you call this a nookie? Tara here,. Done. You like your ass worship? Oh. Yeah. Here. Yeah. Cool, please. Yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah. Here. For. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Your pussy’s so tight. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cool. Yeah, I think it might be a little Theo. Teachers is all for you. Here, here. Yeah. Here. Here, Here, Here. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Tough day. Yeah. Who are you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, thing. Yeah, no. Yeah. Oh, fuck you! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, but yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yet you Oh. Yeah. I want to kiss you content Come in the ground. Please. Yeah. Chased off Joon, okay. All right? Spit on your hands. Twist, right? Oh, yeah. You suck it up. Thank you. Well. What would you like it? No. Yeah, yeah. Maybe fifty boxes of cookies. Morning. Sure. Yeah, but Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who? What? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No. Way. Yeah. For Oh, shit! Yes. Like. Exact. Public. No. Yeah. No. You. Yeah. You struck that. Mmm. Tasteful. No. Oh. Yeah. Black. Yeah. Hi. Or Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Thank you. No, you know, for people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here. Yeah, don’t come that big. Okay from here. How much come in? Oh. Ho. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Coming. Yeah. Yeah. Me Napper, you head down on your wrist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh! What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Holy Oh, I think so. Good here. Yes. Yes, Yeah, yeah. Here over here, but yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Yeah. You enjoy that? Like your new key fact. How’s my little taste so three? Those cookies so Oh, there you are. You said you wanted to talk to me about something very important. Yes, I do. So you know how I’ve been selling Girl Scout cookies? Yeah, well, they have this news scholarship for college and about to graduate. So I really need to sell a hundred more boxes and I get the scholarship. So you should be able to do that. When I finished, I needed, like, bye next week, and I’m running out of time.

Blackmailed Housewives

Fucking fuck me, because Yeah, Richard and this one wait. And it was supposed to be away. And what? We’re negotiating. No, what I wanted. I mean, you have a really nice ass. Well, it’s admired you, Mother. What? Me. What you doing, Justine? No. Like what? Were we got? A little deal since we only had a bite. What did you just say? Don’t! Oh, what do you do? One one? One for you in fighting. What about any of this great? No, really. Just like in the kitchen here. I need my steps on them. Fine. Clean. I don’t want to hear what? You can’t tell anybody. A little secret between all three of us, See? That sounds like a challenge. Shall we take you up on it? Oh. Your tits are amazing. Come on. No. No. Oh, you know what? Dress, shopping and stuff. Yeah, you were. You know? Do you want bent you over the change table each time? Thank you. No. Weren’t you with those? Yeah. It’s cold down there. Yeah. No. Here. Yeah. Yeah. It’s a fucking asked. Yeah. How long? No. No. No. Wait. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Thinking Way to do something with it. You you. Hard. Yeah. No, I need you left. That fucking yeah. No. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Questions. Yeah, yeah, looking. Come on. Oh. Step. Yeah. Right? Yeah. It is. Yeah. Your step. Big. Big on your head. No. But Thank you. Yeah. Teo. Yeah. Looking good. No. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. What? Down. Okay. No. Yeah, St screwed off. Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. No. Yeah, sweet. Please. Yeah. Here you go. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah. Morning. Yeah. Yeah. Me. What about your son? Oh. Yeah. Hey! No. No. You? Yeah. Looking. Ines. Here. I don’t know. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Please. What? Yeah. You’re looking good. I’m looking for my son. Really? You. Oh, thanks. Yeah. No. Good. I have a taking this. No. Yeah. Right? You stretch?


I like watching you just us. No. Yes. Yeah, no. Yeah. Very Yeah. No ace. Yeah. No. Please. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, You. Fuck no. Oh. Come on. Hey. No. It’s fucked. Only God. Oh! You feel. Where? Yeah. Ah. No. Oh, oh. No. No. Cool. All right? And Oh. Yeah. There. There, there. Oh! No. King. Oh. Food. Oh, yeah. Oh! No. Who’s Teo? Oh. Yeah, you. No, we’ll use skills. Beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Wait. Hello. You fuck You go on. No, no. Yeah. No, no. What? No. Oh. Oh. What? What? Oh. Yes. Just like that. Yeah. Here. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! Yeah, No. Yeah. Fuck. Well, hold. Oh. Only. Yes. Keep going. Oh. No. Round. Here. No. Oh. Who? Yeah. Here, You know, not like this. No, no, I never. Yeah. Look. I always wondered what they taste like. Who? No. Yeah. Spoiling me. Oh, yeah. Always. Yeah. Kids. Yes, Yes, yes, yes. Uh, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. No. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. Fuck. Yes. Oh, please. Oh. B. No. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Oh. You. Oh. I needed her. Longer. So three. It wass. It was really nice and it was really wrong. I needed that and he gave it to me. Hey! Um Well, I hate to disappoint, you know? Oh, couldn’t do it. Because Cameron and I absolutely hate each other. Settled, hate sex. It’s like totally hot.

JSON files:

NASA finds Parallel Universe

Antartica isn’t just filled with snow caps and sub zero temperatures. The continent is now in the spotlight for offering the most intriguing possibility in our time and space: a Parallel Universe. The Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna (ANITA) by NASA has shown evidence of a “fountain of high energy particles erupting from the ice.” The polar bears now have company, high energy particles from space. Researchers have found these particles deep within ice layers, more specifically, ANITA detects cosmic ray showers using radio wave signals that move between layers in the ice. University of Hawaii Physics and Astronomy Professor Peter Gorham said that the cosmic rays that they witnessed resembled an “upside-down cosmic ray shower” while also adding that “it was as if the cosmic ray had come out of the ice itself.

So what does this exactly mean? Well this means that we are seeing the opposite of what normally takes place in our universe. It is speculated that during the Big Bang, two universes were created, ours, and one anti or opposite of what is taking place on earth. So what does this really, really mean? Well this can mean a multitude of very interesting things. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, according to Sir Issac Newton. Well as we are exerting specific energies in a potential direction, the same force is happening in the opposite direction. So let’s say that as we are going towards the end of the world, the Parallel Universe is actually going to the beginning. Yeah that sounds very science fiction, but how could would it be if we could actually match when these two worlds align, and we can switch back and essentially be a reverse Benjamin Button. He went backwards right? So then maybe it would just be a regular Benjamin Button. I’ll have to get Brad Pitt on the phone, or rather, I can get his double since he is becoming less famous as the world is on an opposite linear path than ours. Forward is backwards, and backwards is forwards. Does this mean we can time travel with Elon Musk’s SpaceX rockets now? Of course it does. And with this Parallel Universe, there will be much more opportunity for us to all get ahold of Elon and demand a trip to space. In addition to all of the mysterious things that can take place with a Parallel Universe, one must look at Twitter to really see what this means.

The Coronavirus, or COVID19 has without a doubt wrecked havoc on the world. First it was Australian fires, then SARS-CoV-2, locusts, UFO sightings, and now Parallel Universe. Everyone on Twitter is starting to believe we are stuck in a science fiction show. Oh, I did forget the possibility of an asteroid hitting us back in April. So with all of this going on, the Twitter memes are true. Your plans? They’re no match for 2020. The world keeps getting crazier, and crazier. Maybe with the evidence of a Parallel Universe, we can keep jumping back from ours to the other, and keep collecting stimulus checks.